A relationship is more important than winning an argument. It is more important than proving you are right, more important than getting your way and more important than getting your point across and accepted. Voice out your view but do not force it.
Many instances in life made me ponder. What if? What if I just kept quiet? What if I just let him have his way? What if I just let her have the last word? So many what-ifs.
> People get caught up by their egos and opinions. Important points get misplaced and they end up losing more than they gain.
>
> Have you ever been in a discussion or conflict where at the end you say, “I got my way!”? You celebrate victory after a long discourse. You won the battle, but lost the war. In some of my cases, I won the dispute, but lost a friend. Lost the relationship. What a horrendous victory. It left a bitter taste in my soul.
>
> Many years back, I would never forget winning a cause, shaming people and proving to them I was right and they were wrong. I did come out a winner, so to speak. I made them realize that I was not one that they can stand toe to toe with. I used all skills, knowledge, expertise and support. I proved a point. It was, on my part, with all good intent.
>
> A couple of years later, I realized I won the arguments, the discussion and the right to make the decision. I had the last word. It was a good feeling, back then, only to realize the whole picture. In the process of winning I experienced indifference from the very people I valued as friends.
>
> This brings to mind something I read a long time ago: “It is our anger that gets us into a fight and it is our ego that keeps us there.” Many people have the bad habit of fighting about issues when they are no longer relevant or their original importance has diminished. Often, we behave this way to prove a point and to position ourselves as winners”. It may not be immediately obvious, but the one who loses may ultimately be the victor. On my part, I didn’t feel that it was ego. I was convinced that I was fighting for a principle. What a lie. I was full of it. How I would have liked to rewind time and approached things differently. Regret and apology do not erase the hurt. In fact, to this day, the gap that resulted is still in the way of genuine and sincere relationships.
>
> While it is gratifying to win an argument, it leaves a bitter aftertaste in the lives of everyone involved. In the end, there are no winners. I am now aware of the consequences of losing a friend, a price I am no longer prepared to pay for the cheap and short lived pleasure of winning. This may the one some called part of growing. Lesson learned any small non essential things in a discussion and disagreement let it slide.
